EPIC!

So he has a magic Glock and a Jesus sword? That is epic!

Eh?...

Um... Maybe it's becuase I generally don't with any anime, but I had almost no clue what was going on. Something about mages and killing each other I think. I don't know why the guy with the axe was there... he doesn't seem very magey. Also, not to be rude, but I hope that dialoge was supposed to be horrendous English. It wasn't old English either (just in case that's what you were going for).
You could try some sound effects, a plot line, and real human voices. Also, blood doesn't make everything look cool. Strategic placement.

Excitement!

I'm not going to fault you for the begining, only because I know exactly how diffcult and annoying those are. The choice of instruments worked out well, but the whole thing nees more energy. Put more instruments into the beat - blood overdrive that thing. Heck, blood overdrive the whole thing! Change the melody up every 3rd run through or so. You are on the right track, just don't be afraid to throw things in there.

Transitiony...

When I was listening to this song I could just see it being the background music to a transition scene in an action movie. It's hardcore and dark, but not so much that it actualy tries to be a song on its own. Very much background music. It would have been great as a loop, and it ended kinda' suddenly, but not bad at all.